I just want to shoot right into the meat and the potatoes of this blog and not even introduce myself. I will be all over the place cause I have so much to say. This blog is dedicated to the love of my life....my nine day old little sweetheart Brooke Lynn Wade. She is a miracle and something my husband and I were not even sure that we were going to have. That was hard and I will get there soon. Well, lil miss was born via C-section (easiest flippin thing everrr) on March 21, 2011.. That used to be the worst day ever, but is now the day that the heaven 's opened and angels sang and my disbelief became a reality. Well, let me start from the beginning of trying to conceive this sweet joy. My hubby and I am some friends took a big trip to Italy in December 25, 2008-January 2009. Well, I had promised my hubby...okay we can strat to try to have kids. We have been married awhile...you have to understand. This August 4, 2011...will be 10 years for us! Sweet, huh? Well we did try in Italy but okay it did not magicaally poof, bang, zip, zap, pop and I was pregnant there. No!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O had to be normal and take 6 months to conceive. but.............when we did, it was so awesome...I was going to have a baby? Shut up! This is too cool. Okay well......I woke up at 6 weeks pregnant (after a fun night with mu hubby...wink, wink) and what blood? Huh, how, no! Okay stay calm this can happen right? I hear about this a lot with pregnant woman. Okay well my poor husband's dreams of having a baby shattered right? Right! I left work....yes I tried to go in and wait til the OBGYN's office opened and I called them and they instructed me to go to the nearest ER. I broke down, fell to the floor and (as I am crying now) sobbed uncontrolaably. What? Why? Why do I nee dto go? I am what a thretened miscarriage? No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So we go and go through all the this just happens and its about 1 out of 3 pregnancies. So, skipping further that day we knew my "due date" would have been March 21, 2010. Well, guess what Michael and I lost the baby and no due date. I was devastated. Any hore with a vagina could have a baby and I was numb. I felt like I let my husband down. My womanhood was stripped away from me. Everyone aroung is getting pregnant. YOu know..after that we will just say that I let "loose." It hurt me so bad. I was told it was due to an inborn error in metabolism that I have. (That is a whole other blog!!!) I was crushed. I was given the death sentence that there is a greatttttt chance that I will not be able to conceive. You guys.............have no clue how bad I felt for my husband. I genuinely wanted him to leave me so he could have what he wanted. My body had failed me like it has so many times. A lot of my friends are like you are skinny and hot and blah..........................I hated myself and I hated my body. I was no "woman" I was useless garbage that needed thrown away. Well, I had seen "a lot" of other woman that have this genetic disorder that I have and they have healthy awesome children and my genetic doctor swore it was all ny conditions fault that I did not have kids. REally? REally? Cause....um.....I do not need to be a doctor to be able to put two and two together and see that if they were having healthy children, I had hope. That is all I needed. Now Michael and I are aresome and very open-minded. We would have tried surrogacy, adoption, or anything in the universe. We just wanted a baby more than we wanted air to breathe. Oh and remember I was that skinny, hot, outgoing, useless, worthless, piece of garbage that had my body failing me and my whole future was going to be grim due to me. I once told my husband, " you can scre anyone and you'd have a baby." I was sobbing uncontrollablly. WEll, What I said to him was the truth though. I mean I guess he loved me too much, but I hated me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hated myself so bad that I just wanted to be in a dark place. I was like any crack hore can have a baby but not a person like me that been the "goody" girl all my life. I was like God....seriously...I know I have messed up and if if if if if this is a punishment seriously....I get it. Okay so here the story gets better right.
So....................... I get pregnant wicked quick. It was like 2 months and I was sap pregnant again. No way. This is cool. I even made it to "10" weeks. okay we go to get an unltrasound and there is no baby in it. What, huh, what, what is going on? Okay so you have the tiredness, moodiness, and all the same symptoms of pregnancy, but something happpens early on and baby goes away and the gestational sac keeps growing. Okay so the doc is saying this and all I remember is the fountain of snot pouring down my nose. THis time my sweet due date was June 26, 2010. Okay so HERE is something FREAKING awesome how bout you ladies reading this decide ummmmmmmmm would you like to do a D and C or stick 8 pills up you vagina and cause your body to abort the baby at home. I was like um IDK doc how would you like to kill your baby? I ended up using the pills. It was a painful, long, lonely, night and I know I have no one to be with me. No one!!!! I was in so much pain oh and then................there was so much blood when I stood up the next morning, it was like a murder seen. Hey....this is my blog right? My hubby ran to the guest room to see why I ddi not let the dog out and she was barking her head off and I was like ugh I am kind of going through something right now.......I mean just kind of bleeding everywhere that is all. I try to spare the guy my bluntness cause I say it like it is and add a whole more. That's just me and this is my blog, right LOl!
So I have the dumb genetic doc say again that its all my condition. She was even such a ballsy sucker and said to not waste our money on fertility treatment. That arrogant son of a gun. Well, we did and sought to see other genetic doctors and maternal fetal medicine doctors. We wanted to do the right thing and we wanted to have our own but we were deciding if we wanted to use another body since mine was worthless jacked up garbage that looked hot. Yeah ok if thats all you have going on please! So....we started off at Dr. Michael Fox and Jacksonville Center For Reproductive Medicine. They started with a brand new evaluation and the first thing that we did was the 5 day Clomide challenge to see how well my ovaries responded. Well, slap a baby and pick up your jaw! It was not good.....oh you ballsy genetic doc I thought you just said it was the PKU. Huh? What? Are you an idiot and can be wrong...wait....was that a yes....I do believe I heard that. Then they did an HSG procedure and that is where they shoot iodine through your ovaries and fallopian tubes to make sure there is no blockages at all. And next....................the talked about treatment for me not responding to the fertilty medication Clomide, was to do the laproscopic procedre and go in and look for endometriosis. Well......April 2010 is when I had to do that surgery and it was not too bad. I had to drink that same drink the night before that people have to drink for a colonoscopy. Oh and take 2 laxatives and the day before surgery I could only have clear liquids. The easiest and sounds like the grosiest part was giving myself the botty doosh...LOL! Whatever it was only bad cause it you have a raw butt from wiping and add salt water...well.....you get the point. They ended up finding and removing the endometriosis. (um yeah that I had nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo clue I had.) The last thing they were going to do was jump start me on fertility meds to help me better ovulate. I took the meds July 17 or 18 and got the confirmation blood tests results that we were pregnant again for a 3rd time and I so prayed it would work. I wanted this so bad!!!!
So beause of my PKU, I am on a veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy aggitating psycho diet, I had to be folled by the OBGYN, maternal fetal medicine doctor, dietitian, genetic doctor, and the fertility doctor. I had to go in a lot for ultrasounds at the fertility doctor cause they had to check and make sure each ovary did not have too many follices to try to prevent multiple births. They let some of the follicles disapper and then my hubby had to inject me with a shot of HCG. I was taking a few other fertility drugs too. It was busy EXPENSIVE, and fun! LOL!
Then at about 14 weeks pregnant, I started to bleed, I was hysterical crying so bad I was hyperventilating. After a third trip to the ER and sure it would end in a loss, my sweet baby girl waS OK! I was shocked!!!!!!!
We found out at 17 weeks she was a girl and I cryed! It did not take me long to warm up to it being a sweet baby girl. I was like sweet!!!!!!!
During all the fetal monitoring, everything always looked very good and I was going two times a week.( Thank God for great insurance)
She ended up being super healthy, but a lot smaller than they wanted, so at 35 weeks I was put on annoying bed rest. They were going to do the amniosentesis Monday March 21, 2011 to check her lung development cause after 37 they do not need to keep the babies inutero cause they are just "supposed" to be gaining weight. I went into the ROCK at Baptist Downtown 3-21-11 for the amniosentesis rocedure and if that looked good, I was schedled for induction Tuesday 3-22-11 at 7am. B
But huh, what they checked and a goooooooooooood bit (like more than half of the amniotic fluid) leaked out. Ugh shouldn't I feel that in my underware cause I did not! Well since the fluid was so low they sent me right down stairs to labor and delivery. I started on bedrest (two weeks ealrier) her being 3lbs. 11 oz and after 2 weeks of bebrest, she was born via C-section 3-21-11 at 4:29pm at 4lbs. 12,7 oz. and 17.5 inches long and needed zero going to the NICU. She did work with a speech pathologist cause she had a few issues with sucking. My life is so full and blessed and the c-section is the easiest thing I have done in my life. I gained 32 lbs with Brooke and last week I lost 18 of it. LOL! It's that darm veagn diet or in this case I was delirious, exhausted, and did not eat. THAT is my last year and I love happy endings. I hope she can and will read all these one day. I seriously love her and I am so happy that all worked out~~~~ I hope you guys like learning a bit about how I started in Jan. 2009 and where I finally am now. I cry all the time cause it still does not feel real. For Now!..................................
